So Sunday, while we were still at the beach, my car wouldn't crank up. So first thing Monday morning (after we got back into town), I took Bessie (that's my car) to O'Reilly's so they could do some sort of test to see if I needed a new battery. Testing...testing...testing...yes I needed a new battery. BUT the store I was at couldn't install batteries until after noon. NOON?!?? I don't think so! So the nice O'Reilly guy, whom I actually went to high school with, said that their 'other store' could put my battery in right away. Now while this may sound like a great idea, the 'other store' is in the GHETTO. And by ghetto, I mean-people getting shot at, things getting stolen, hookers on the sidewalk-GHETTO!
After much consideration, I decided that I better just suck it up and go over there because I need my car!! So I get to the ghetto O'Reilly's, go inside and there are three women sitting behind the counter, talking about...Michael Jackson...what else, right? I tell one of the ladies, let's call her Stupid, what kind of car I have blah blah blah so she can tell me what battery to buy. Everything is going swimmingly, I purchase the battery, and then I say, "Umm, you do have someone here that can install this, right?" Stupid: "Yeah." And then Stupid walks from behind the counter with my battery, grabbing some sort of tool on her way, and goes outside and up to my car. "Ohhh lovely" I say to myself. Now let me set the record straight in saying that I am all about feminism and not depending on a man, but come on people. Why are there THREE WOMEN working at O'Reilly's with NO men around? It's a freakin car store!!! Anyway, I tell myself that maybe-just maybe-Stupid will actually be able to do this.
So Stupid starts trying to get the old battery out. 5 minutes....10 minutes...15 minutes....At this point Stupid has gone inside 5 times to get a different tool....20 minutes...Another one of the girls comes outside because it is SO obvious that Stupid is having trouble. 2nd girl takes all of 3 seconds and the battery is out. Yay for 2nd girl! Let's keep her!! But no...Stupid insists that she can handle it now. Stupid tries to insert new battery.....25 minutes.....30 minutes....Stupid drops the freakin screw that holds the battery down into the BOTTOM OF THE CAR. "Oops...don't worry, I'll find it!" says Stupid. 35 minutes.....Stupid comes back out of the store with a flashlight and a long stick with a magnet on the end of it. Stupid digs around trying to grab the screw with the magnet.....40 minutes.....did I mention it's POURING DOWN RAIN at this point? 45 minutes....Stupid realizes there is no way she can get the lost screw....Stupid attempts to install the battery again....Stupid starts 'schooling' me on the different parts of the battery by saying things like "This whatchamajig keeps the battery from vibrating" "These thingymabobs hold the battery in place" "This dinglehopper connects to this doohicky to start the car!"......(I am so beyond annoyed at this point.)....50 minutes.....the battery is IN! THANK YOU JESUS!!!....Stupid tells me to turn the car on...I do...everything is fine until....BOOM CLAP TING TANG CLAP CLAP....Stupid screams "TURN THE CAR OFF NOOOOWW!!!" I run with all my pregnant might and turn the car off.....Stupid tells me that the lost screw hit the fan, but is now at the bottom of the car and shouldn't make that noise again.....55 minutes....Stupid goes inside to find another screw to replace the screw she lost.........ONE HOUR.....Stupid tells me she is done and says "Now if anything goes wrong, you know where to find me!" Now THAT might be the funniest thing I have ever heard.
5 comments:
Now that's some funny stuff!
I haaaaaaate car stuff. I thought I needed a new battery too, but it was just some corroded thingermajiggers. Haha. I dont know what they're called.
I was an hour and a half from home and my car wouldnt start, and I thought I needed my battery jumped... Im sitting there in a parking lot crying and NO ONE would help me. Super sucky
Haha! I thought I recognized you, but didn't want to be the idiot to question if we knew each other some how, and then you say no and stare at me blankly (because that's always fun!).
Anywho, Ashleigh saw this and [while laughing] told me to give it a read. I'm glad I did. I laughed. A lot. And not at you, but with you... and at them. Do you remember her name? I'm sorry I sent you to the "other store", but I meant the 15th Street O'Reilly, not Alberta. They're better staffed (and operated) at 15th Street than at Alberta.
If you have any trouble again, I'll remember you now and get it taken care of no matter what. I felt horrible asking you to come back, but we'd had multiple people call in.
Again, I apologize! If you'd like, bring it by some day this week, and we'll gladly look at it and make sure everything got put back where it was supposed to be, and properly.
oh, allison. you have the most special life.
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